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The Mortal Hole by Tom Lichtenberg

Free ebook: short fiction
Genre/Category: Short Stories
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The Mortal Hole by Tom Lichtenberg
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Ebook Synopsis

Adult content: suitable only for mature readers.

A collection of short fiction stories, including the Sexy Teenage Vampires trilogy, The Man Who was also a Dragon, and several other entertaining stories.

Excerpt from 'A Bicycle Story:'

Remind me to tell you how much I hated everyone and everything, except my bike. I loved that bike. I hated my wife but I loved the bike, and what was I doing with a wife, anyway? What was I? Seventeen? Who has a wife when they're seventeen, especially when she's something like twenty-six, an old lady, practically? She could've been my babysitter. Wait, she was. Oh God, I didn't mean to tell you that. Anyway, forget about it, okay? Act like you never heard it. And I hated her, right? So it's like it doesn't even count. It's not like I was taking people's mail and dumping it in the trash. Well, that's another story.
I hated my neighbors, too, Tammy and Willy. With stupid names like that, what would you expect? If you thought that Willy'd be one of those fat balding slobs who always had a beer in his hand and talked of nothing but shooting things with his rusty old gun you'd be pretty close, and I'm sure you can picture Tammy in her tight pink flannel pants suit flipping her hair out of her eyes every twenty second like clockwork and driving me and everybody else fricking crazy, well you got it. I especially hated Tammy because she pretended to have this Southern twang when hell, she grew up right across the street from me right here in Northeast Nowhereville. She did it for him, for Willy. He liked to think of her as being from the South, like he never was neither. He just liked his confederate flags and pissing off people with his racist bullshit.