I forced my own head at gunpoint to think happy, normal thoughts as I sat in my dreary little bedsit, but it was no good. I attempted to ignore the temptation to stick people’s heads onto poles because it gave me a terrible headache. My head has been filled with revolting, evil thoughts and ideas – and I enjoy it. These are the only things that have kept me going about my malignantly balmy day-to-day activities Thinking about murder has always managed to put a smile on my face and infused me with a warm glow. Having to resist them is the only pain I feel, restraining is like a heavy weight on the end of a fraying thread. can you imagine what it is like being unable to put my glorious fantasies of murder and havoc into reality?