This fast-moving laugh-out-loud irreverent story is a parody on The Divine Dissimulation by the same author.
Far enough in the future for anything to be conceivable, the ridiculously wealthy and dementia-ridden villain Abraham Goldstein, is defrauded by a shrewd scientist Jack Brown into funding an implausible "secret" project to travel to heaven and meet God! Against all logic the machine end up working and Abraham finds out that the god is dead, and that Yahweh in his suicide letter was kind enough to leave the schematics for the mind control chip he used to convince Bronze Age humans that he was a god.
Having these schematics Abraham sets his mind for a new project To create an artificial Bronze Age world where he can be God over it's inhabitants. Along the way he faces many highly amusing scenarios such as problem with the henchmen union, unfortunate calendar mistakes, malfunctioning orbital super weapons etc. Abraham keeps fucking up thing due to his dementia, villainy, incompetent henchmen, and general stupidity until a mentally ill woman shows up out of nowhere and puts and end to Abraham's follies!
1.1 A rich, grumpy old man wanting to stay alive, spends a ludicrous amount of money on an implausible project.
The rich, old and grumpy Abraham Goldstein looked out through the window of his Penthouse apartment on Antarctica. From his apartment 3000 metres up, he could see all his vast domains all the way to the ocean, far away at the horizon. Despite being the richest and oldest man on the planet, he wasn’t happy. He wanted to own more and be more powerful. There was a problem with this foolproof plan though, that Abraham was 250 years old and the life-extending pills that Abraham and all the other rich people on Earth were taking, had started to lose their effect on him. Despite being so rich and powerful, it was time for him to finally take a nap, six feet down under.
Abraham was not ready to die yet ,however, and had come up with in an implausible and ridiculous plan that he would spend all his money on, before he died, to bereave his horrible relatives of their inheritance. He had ordered a top-grade scientist, Jack Brown, to partake in a “secret” project, building an absurdly expensive and huge machine in the basement of Goldstein Tower. This machine, a huge particle replicator, would create a dimensional rift that would allow Abraham to meet God before he died, which was a bit wasteful as Abraham was already 250 years old and he could simply stop taking his life-extending pills and die anyway!
1.2 Abraham tests the ludicrously expensive machine and finds out that God is dead.
THE NEXT DAY ABRAHAM woke up and decided to take the lift all the way down to the basement to meet Jack Brown and use the expensive and potentially dangerous machine that Jack had built there.
Unfortunately, Abraham forgot to notify the building management that he wanted exclusive access to the lift, so instead of 5-minute-long lift ride to the basement, Abraham had to spend half an hour in the bloody lift, with people getting on and off on at every level, something that made him grumpier!
Eventually, he got down to the basement and he was met by Jack Brown, his leading secret scientist and Jack’s team. Abraham spoke:
- So, is my very large and expensive secret machine ready?
Jack Brown was struggling to keep a straight face. What kind of idiot thought it was possible to build a 1-kilometre long machine in the basement of one of the landmark buildings of the planet unnoticed? The number of noise complaints Jack and his team had received over the last few years was staggering, not to mention the endless shuttle traffic of trucks needed to freight away all the excavated soil and rocks from the construction process.
Jack Brown managed to contain himself from laughing and spoke:
- Yes, sir, it’s ready.
- Took you a long time to answer that easy question. Time is money! Chop Chop!
- Have you tried the machine yet? I want to be the first one to use it!
Yet again, Jack Brown was struggling to contain himself. Of course, he had tried the mind travel machine at multiple occasions, what kind of idiot would ring up his boss to inspect the machine, just to demonstrate that it didn’t work?
- As per your instructions, you’ll be the first to try this large and potentially dangerous machine.
- Excellent, I love an employee that blindly follows orders and doesn’t think for himself.
- Plug me in.