Flush that fake smile of yours right down the toilet. True happiness is possible, and it’s easier than you may think. All you have to do is nothing, and this book will show you how.
I’ve studied happiness inside and out, upside-down, and right-side up. And I’ve come up with all kinds of theories about happiness, and given them scientific labels such as, Zombie Theory, Dominatrix Theory, and Chinese Food Theory. These theories can help you understand the elusive state of mind known as happiness.
Happiness comes from change. And the more unique the change, the more happiness you feel. Change is always happening. Life is change. So you cannot help but experience change, at some unique level or another, at all times. Therefore, to be happy you don’t have to do anything. Just relax, do nothing, and allow change and unique experiences to happen naturally.
And yet, there are many enemies of uniqueness, that conspire to make us unhappy. Pumping Up Piglipple shows how happiness and uniqueness are related, and points out the enemies of uniqueness. Follow this guide and you can conquer those pesky enemies, and end up in a happy state of mind.
Excerpts from Pumping Up Piglipple:
. . . You can’t give up on your search for happiness. Ever. You’re not allowed. People won’t let you. They mandate you to be happy. Want to know what I mean? Well, just go shopping. It seems you can’t buy anything anymore without some asshole telling you to “Have a nice day!” And if you want to be left alone, you’d better paint a smile on your face. Otherwise everyone will be asking what’s wrong and giving you advice for improving your spirits.
. . . If you know what you’re doing, genuine happiness is as easy to find as fresh air on a mountaintop. And it’s much more impressive. When you’re genuinely happy no one will doubt that you’ve met society’s mandate to have a nice day. They might doubt your sanity sometimes, but they won’t doubt your positive frame of mind. It will be obvious. And in fact it may be so obvious that some may actually become jealous. They’ll say “Oh Shit!” when you say, “Bingo!” Then you’ll be happy, while they’ll be mad.
So relax. Open up your mind. Don’t sweat. You’ll feel relieved to know that the method for finding true, lasting happiness is such an easy method. And so natural. It involves a process that is as natural as the movement of your bowels after a steady diet of prunes and refried beans.
And when you find it you’ll be able to flush that unnatural fake smile of yours right down the toilet.
. . . The key is in understanding how your mind produces happiness. Once you solve this mystery you’ll know what you must do in order to gain entry into a palace of lasting joy. No one will be able to fool you anymore. You’ll see how to loosen and release yourself from the fetters of unreliable methods and suspicious sources. Expensive psychologists (who often shrink minds, rather than expand them), demanding religious institutions (where the virtue of generosity seems to be preached in every other sermon), mind-altering substances (where the Stone Age is romanticized), and other dead-ends to delight will lose their power over you.
. . . Are the bad things that happen to you, life? Of course they are. Because bad things are change, just like good things. And life is change (remember Zombie Theory). So why don’t you automatically enjoy bad things?
Well actually you do. If your neighbor’s house catches on fire, that’s a bad thing. But that won’t stop you from running out of your house so you can gaze upon the beautiful pyrotechnic display bursting into flames before you. And all that excitement with the fire engines and stuff. And then there’s the emotional drama, watching your poor neighbor crying and carrying on. Pyromaniacs just eat this stuff up, but so do regular folks, just like you and me. Well at least I do.
Come on, admit it! You do too.
Unless of course, it’s your own house. When a bad thing happens to you, that’s when you stop automatically enjoying a bad thing. It’s just like amusement. We all love humor except when we’re the butt of someone else’s joke. Then we are not amused at all. But the reason is not because of the bad thing itself. It’s because of what your mind does with it.
How your mind perceives the things you experience determines how much life you are able to experience.
. . . This natural flow of happiness is universal. All human beings have the same potential for experiencing it. Including you, if you are a human being. Therefore, pumping up Piglipple can be the pumping up of you, too.