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Every woman who believes in love, needs the man she chooses to be intimate with, to be strong, assertive, faithful all the positive stuff but the one thing she wants more than anything else is that the man MUST be hers and only hers. She will accept nothing less than exclusivity. She will go all out to prove to him that she is the one for him. At the end of the day she knows the decision is his but until he decides otherwise......... she will always feel she is on the outside.
Excerpt from the book:
I sit here tapping away at my story, I realise how truly alone I am. Yes I have relatives and close friends but at the end of the day, when I go to bed, it’s just me, my cell phone, my pillows and a mosquito.
I know he can never be mine not as long as ‘she’ is in the picture. I thought of killing her a few times but then how could I help him raise his children? How would I be able to sleep next to him knowing the pain I would have caused?
He respects her enough not to flaunt me in front of her face. When he sees me anywhere, he would always acknowledge me by my name and keep going.
One time I was strolling through the park and he was there with the children. The look on his face was a mixture of what he knew he should do and what he wanted to do. Against his better judgement, he waved and called me over and against mine, I went.
I swear time slowed down for us and it took me forever to reach them. His son, barely able to walk, broke free of him and grabbed my legs to keep from falling. He looked up at me and the smile he gave me tore my heart in fifty million different directions. I could not stop the tears, knowing that this child would never be mine to care for. Apparently he picked up on my grief and his smile turned to a frown.
I bent down and picked him up to soothe him and within minutes he was asleep on my chest. He felt good in my arms, still having that new baby smell. In that few minutes the man I had fallen so deeply in love with over the past few months, just sat there and watched as his son slept on my bosom. His daughter, having been out so many times with her father and seeing me with him, smiled sweetly and held out her hand for me to touch it. I did as I always do, twiddled my fingers with hers and blew her a kiss.
I had to get out of there. This was too much for me. I gently handed his son over to him and I practically ran out of there.
I knew he would try to contact me as soon as he got a free moment. Usually from the bathroom or when he took the garbage out.
My cell phone rang and disturbed the silence of my bedroom. I looked at the number and I could not answer. He hung up and I knew what would follow. Sure enough a WhatsApp message beeped.
Baby are you okay? I know seeing us today was hard on you. We can try again if you want. I’m just about to take a shower and put the kids to bed, would you like me to come over?’
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