A dog is Man's best friend - or is he? This book, ably illustrated by Crafty Canine and his friends, examines those uniquely canine habits that constantly cause us irritation, exasperation and sometimes major humiliation - from Crafty's point of view.
Here's how to begin:
1. Park yourself in front of the Family member who has so far made the most fuss of you (hereafter known as Soft-touch). Stare up at him/her with your most sorrowful expression. They won't be able to resist for more than ten seconds and you'll find yourself lifted onto a nice soft warm lap. Snuggle into a comfy ball. To ensure maximum 'aahh' factor, remember to sigh contentedly every few minutes. Soft-touch won't want to disturb your rest, thereby you'll prevent Soft-touch carrying out any other activity for the next two hours.
Congratulations! You've successfully engineered your very first Foul-up.
2. When you eventually wake from that long and comfortable sleep have a good fidget until you find yourself lowered to the floor. Take immediate action by piddling on the Axminster, then sit back and watch the fun. You'll be amazed at the speed Humans can move while weighed down with buckets of water and disinfectant!
The downside to carpet-wetting is that you'll probably find yourself carted rapidly to the garden. (Humans don't have the brains to realise this action is futile once you've 'been'.) But this cloud does have a silver lining:
3. The garden is the perfect place – particularly in cold and /or wet weather – for you to send The Family's blood pressure into overload, and can be best achieved in three stages.
Stage one: Sit on the back door-step whining and shivering.
Stage two: When Soft-touch looks out and makes the inevitable comment: "Ah, poor puppy's cold..." flash those appealing eyes for all you're worth until the back door is whipped open.
Stage three: Rush in and head straight back to the lounge, whimpering and wagging your tail in gratitude, then immediately 'squat', preferably in a different spot to the one you've recently piddled on.
Bring on those buckets…
CAUTION: taking a dump in the best room will probably result in banishment to the kitchen.