Short Plays Volume 1 by Ben Macnair contains five of the author's plays: two monologues, one two- hander, and two three-handers.
Barry Shovel’s Guide to Life
(Int: He is sitting down in his favourite chair in the corner of his student union. There are the sounds of a pub around him, laughter, a quiet juke box and occasional cheering. He is 21, well built, almost rotund, and sits talking to an invisible audience. He strokes his stomach).
‘Look at that. Look at that, I tell you, all bought and paid for, all bought and paid for, looks good doesn’t it? Not everyone can pull of this look, but I can. It took years of training, hundreds of pounds in pints, but worth it, well worth it. The Doctor says it is no good for me, and if I carry on like this, I won’t see thirty, but what does he know? Who is he to tell me how to live my life? No one, that is who. And who am I to tell you how to live your life? I am Barry Shovel Esq, big man at the Parish, and all round top bloke. If you stick with me, I will see you right’
(There is a shout at the bar. It is Dave, Barry’s only friend. Dave brings his pint over to Barry’s table. They are the same age, but Dave looks better for it.)
Dave: All right Baz?
Barry: Yeah, Man, yourself.
Dave: Moving to the beat. There is a bird over at the bar. She is from the club. She is right nice; a bit on the short side, but beggars like us can’t be choosers can we?
Barry: Speak for yourself. I am a proper little mover mate. I have a different girl every night. Change girls more regularly than I change my socks.
Dave: That probably explains why they do not hang around too long.
Barry: I always thought personal hygiene was over rated. The way I see it is if a girl can’t see my magnetic personality and massive intellect for a few whiffs, then she was not really for me in the first place.