The University of Colorado has many valuable lessons to teach young British exchange student Ross Cooper. There is the art of unfastening bra straps using only a foreign accent, the politics of corrupting campus radio through obscene freestyle rapping, and the science of sharing a jail cell without using the communal toilet.
But when he finds himself falling for April - the all-American girl of his adolescent dreams - only to confront her smarmy hulk of a boyfriend, Ross faces his biggest education of all.
It proves to be a master class in friendship and depravity, lust and restraint, rumour and honesty, and the hard-fought sport of love.
Excerpt:
I had never been more alone than at the top of those steps, yet my inner sense was one of total contentment. I turned to marvel at the view from my new home – a vast expanse of lush grass surrounded on all sides by buildings with matching red tile roofs and resplendent sandstone bricks. To my left was the arresting sight of the Rocky Mountain foothills. Their countless peaks were glowing orange from the intense rays of the late-August sun, providing stark contrast to the deep blue sky. The air was bubbling with the aroma of pine trees, while the only sound to be heard was the playful warble of finches in their branches.
It had taken years of hard work and careful planning to reach that day, and yet the past felt so much further away than a twelve-hour flight. Exactly what would the coming year have in store for me? More hard work? Undoubtedly. Good times? Certainly. Great friends? Absolutely. Promiscuous sex with a bevy of hot, young American girls? I could only hope so.
Removing my sunglasses as I entered the dark building, my eyes slowly adjusted to the cavernous reception area with a carefully aligned row of ten or more tables. Behind those tables sat a similarly well-ordered line of girls, each with a beaming beauty-queen smile full of brilliant white teeth that had my pupils constricting once more. Through the glare I could see one other person bravely approaching the lion’s den and decided to head for the table next to his. Safety in numbers seemed to be the order of the day, as I saw every single bleached row of fangs follow me while I struggled with my suitcases.
‘James Arriaga,’ I overheard the other guy say to his designated set of gnashers. Before I could hear his reception, I was hit by the shockwave of my very own greeting.
‘Welcome to the University of Colorado, and welcome to Cheyenne Arapaho hall!’ My set of teeth definitely had a set of lungs on her too. She also spoke in the kind of ear-bleed inducing accent I had naively hoped to never encounter.
‘Hi, I’m Ross Cooper,’ I replied, once the ringing in my ears subsided.
‘Oh my gosh! You have the sweetest accent! Where on earth are you from?’
‘I’m from England.’
‘No way,’ was the deafening response.
‘Yes, I’m afraid so.’ I strained a smile whilst ‘I’m from England.’
‘No way,’ was the deafening response.
‘Yes, I’m afraid so.’ I strained a smile whilst praying that a busload of fellow new students hadn’t just walked through the door behind me to witness the humiliation.
‘OH MY GOSH,’ she beamed. I saw her eyes peer over my shoulder, and soon became aware that a busload of fellow new students had just walked through the door behind me to witness the humiliation. ‘I’ve never met anyone from another country before! This is amazing! Do you even have electricity in England?’