A humorous and irreverent look at college and college life.
Most kids look forward to going to college like a sailor in Bangkok with $5,000 in his pocket looks forward to shore leave.
This book is essential to prepare the student for his advanced education. While money, parental support, and money can be important, this book is designed to help the student develop a wry sense of humour. Even if you fail or drop out, you can take your sense of humour with you.
This book is written for the person who is considering college, in college, wishes they were in college, has been to college, or has $3 to spare.
This is written as if you were attending this fictional college and should not be taken to refer to any specific institution that has a law department and could sue us.
The first question to ask is, “Is college worth the expense?” You can ask any of the 80,000 professional bartenders in this country with a four year degree and $50,000 in student loans what they think and they will probably answer, “You want to run a tab?”
“I have to go to college” - Danny Noonan
“What is this, Russia” - Ty Webb
Success in the world has always been a combination of luck and sucking up to the right people. Your college experience can open doors for you by providing the opportunity to meet people who will carry you to the pinnacle of success. Of course you also have the opportunity to meet people who will suck the life out of you and cling like a bad smell for years.
College is what you make of it. If you succeed, we did it and if you fail, its your fault. We are only here to take your money, take credit for what you learn, and hound you forever for alumni contributions Living on campus
We highly recommend living on campus. In addition to the excessive rent we get for 10 cubic feet, you will find the social atmosphere to be a welcome dis-traction from classes exactly like the ones you dreaded in high school.
You will find the surrounding community similar to what you would find outside the gates of any military establishment, bars, tattoo parlors, loan sharks, greasy hamburger joints, and bars.
You will find many of the social and academic clubs that you were familiar with in high school, but less willing to accept you.
You will find the freedom to dress as weird as you like and to puncture your flesh with as many pieces of metal as you can. However, it goes without saying that even the mention of a conservative idea or thought is punishable by expulsion and death.
You are encouraged to become politically active. You can choose between either political party. The Leninists are more traditional, but the Maoists have better looking hats. Participation in demonstrations is a good way to meet others and get your own FBI file.
You may form deep friendships similar to those that can form between cell mates, hostages, or life boat survivors.