Book 2, Middle Oeuf.
Solemnly, the Twittians lifted the body of their king, Wibble the Stupid, and placed him carefully into an ornate wheely-urn, as far away, beyond the horizon, the invading Nummian army trudged homeward after their humiliating defeat.
"But I not dead yet!" Wibble protested. Mystix the Mystagogue though, was having none of it. Wibble had messed up his lamentations once too often in the past. This time he was determined to complete them, no matter what.
"But me just be having a snooze!" Wibble pleaded, "Me did always found battles tiring, and me want be nice and fresh for the victory celebrations."
"O Woe!" Mystix lamented, ignoring Wibble's protests, and then he started performing the Twittians' elaborate funeral rites.
There was a short pause as those present reflected on the transient nature of existence, and then, with a hoot of joy, they started pushing the great snot encrusted, wheely-urn toward the Greater-Effluent.
"But me not dead yet!" Wibble cried, as the funeral procession gathered speed and the wheely-urn reached the launch-ramp. "Oh Pooh!" he wailed, as both he and the wheely-urn hurtled through the air and landed in the Greater-Effluent with a terrific splosh. Then Doggerel the Poet mournfully recited his tragic funeral dirge.
Hip-hip hip-hip hip-hip. Hip-hip hip-hooray!
Wibble the Stupid, he has gone away.
Hip-hip hip-hip hip-hip. Hip-hip hip-hoorah!
Let's hope it's very far.
Eventually the Twittians stopped dancing, and a strange hush descended over the scene. "Why does troggles have to die?" a small voice asked from the back of the crowd.
"Cos," Mystix said, and then he told the myth of how Frank Spencer had accidentally created death while trying to fit an extension cord for the telephone.
That night, the Twittians ate and drank and sang and drank and ate; and when they had done all that, they listened to poems recounting the story of their heroic victory.
There once was an Nummian army,
What was led by a queen what was barmy.
She invaded and fought,
And lost and was caught,
By Doggerel who was terribly smarmy.
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