Cautionary Tales is a collection of 25 poems with a message in mind: if you're not careful, bad things can happen to you. The poems take a dark look at such varied subjects as picking your nose, baking bread, and touch-typing while wearing your girlfriend's basque. I hope you enjoy reading this collection as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Never Eat A Dog
Rebecca was a busy mum,
and fed her daughter on the run.
Didn't have the time to cook,
or clean the house, or read a book.
So daughter, Ceilidh, every day,
lived on Chinese take-away.
Over time the poor girl found,
her bottom growing rather round.
Friends and neighbours came to stare,
at such a bulbous derrière.
Some joked, some poked, some whispered low,
especially her cousin Joe.
Father frowned and shook his head,
Uncle Bert just grinned and said,
"J-lo would pay a pretty price
to have a bum that looked that nice."
Mother chuckled at the fuss.
Replying, "That'd stop a bus!"
Such comments made young Ceilidh mad,
feel unattractive, deeply sad.
She ate and ate to fill the hurt,
provoked by mum and Uncle Bert.
poor girl exploded with a bang!
Poke Me Please
Kylie was a lovely lass:
pretty hair a curly mass,
full red lips, the brightest grin,
bright eyes lit from deep within.
Social life a heady whirl,
Kylie was a busy girl:
friends who'd go that extra mile,
just to see our Kylie smile.
When Kylie got a special gift
- wrapped in tape so hard to shift,
tore it apart with breathless glee;
out popped a shiny Blackberry.
So began her time of stress,
and life became a horrid mess:
Facebook, Twitter, all the rest,
'Liking' on-line friends the best.
Old pals now, all gone away,
new on-line friends with which to play.
Blond locks dirty and uncombed,
she's friendless now and all alone.
