Cautionary Tales is a collection of 25 poems with a message in mind: if you're not careful, bad things can happen to you. The poems take a dark look at such varied subjects as picking your nose, baking bread, and touch-typing while wearing your girlfriend's basque. I hope you enjoy reading this collection as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Never Eat A Dog
Rebecca was a busy mum,
and fed her daughter on the run.
Didn't have the time to cook,
or clean the house, or read a book.
So daughter, Ceilidh, every day,
lived on Chinese take-away.
Over time the poor girl found,
her bottom growing rather round.
Friends and neighbours came to stare,
at such a bulbous derrière.
Some joked, some poked, some whispered low,
especially her cousin Joe.
Father frowned and shook his head,
Uncle Bert just grinned and said,
"J-lo would pay a pretty price
to have a bum that looked that nice."
Mother chuckled at the fuss.
Replying, "That'd stop a bus!"
Such comments made young Ceilidh mad,
feel unattractive, deeply sad.
She ate and ate to fill the hurt,
provoked by mum and Uncle Bert.
But when she ate her dog, called Fang,
poor girl exploded with a bang!
Poke Me Please
Kylie was a lovely lass:
pretty hair a curly mass,
full red lips, the brightest grin,
bright eyes lit from deep within.
Social life a heady whirl,
Kylie was a busy girl:
friends who'd go that extra mile,
just to see our Kylie smile.
When Kylie got a special gift
- wrapped in tape so hard to shift,
tore it apart with breathless glee;
out popped a shiny Blackberry.
So began her time of stress,
and life became a horrid mess:
Facebook, Twitter, all the rest,
'Liking' on-line friends the best.
Old pals now, all gone away,
new on-line friends with which to play.
Blond locks dirty and uncombed,
she's friendless now and all alone.