Cautionary Tales is a collection of 25 poems with a message in mind: if you're not careful, bad things can happen to you. The poems take a dark look at such varied subjects as picking your nose, baking bread, and touch-typing while wearing your girlfriend's basque. I hope you enjoy reading this collection as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Never Eat A Dog
Rebecca was a busy mum,
and fed her daughter on the run.
Didn't have the time to cook,
or clean the house, or read a book.
So daughter, Ceilidh, every day,
lived on Chinese take-away.
Over time the poor girl found,
her bottom growing rather round.
Friends and neighbours came to stare,
at such a bulbous derrière.
Some joked, some poked, some whispered low,
especially her cousin Joe.
Father frowned a...