After reading a few quotes from famous people posted on Twitter, I decided to create and post some of my own.
Unlike the other quotes, which were mainly serious or witty, my quotes tended to be silly and humorous, and were posted as #Twittclass items.
Reading through these posts sparked some ideas for nonsense verse and so this book was born. As the poems are short, Twittclass makes the ideal companion for those moments on the toilet when you have little else to do.
“When you start shaving with toothpaste you know its time to visit the optician.” Peter Barns June 2010
Charlie was the tightest man
He’d never spend a cent.
He’d scrimp and save
And go without.
Not even pay his rent.
His wife, frustrated, said to him,
“Now Charlie this must stop.
You’re now so blind
That you can’t see.
Go down the glasses shop.”
But Charlie didn’t think he was,
And money would not waste.
Until one day
He washed himself
Then shaved with his toothpaste.
“If you mend your specs with super glue, make sure they’re dry BEFORE placing them on your head.” Sheree Sartain June 2012
Giles was not a patient man,
Always dashing here and there,
So when he glued his glasses up,
He stuck them to his stringy hair.
Giles tugged and tugged to no avail,
Using words I won’t disclose,
The stupid glasses would not budge,
Stayed firmly stuck upon his nose.
“Don’t pick your nose with a pencil, people will try to look up it to see what you’ve drawn.” Peter Barns June 2011
Peter was a dirty boy,
who picked and picked his nose.
Picked away so very much,
he nearly reached his toes.
“Never paint your toenails with a 2” paint brush.” Peter Barns August 2011
Wendy, always in a rush,
Did her nails with a 2” brush.
Now she’s looking oh so sad,
Because her toes look oh so bad.
“Shower with your pants and socks on and save wear and tear on the washing machine.” Peter Barns September 2011
Stanley was a lazy lad,
Slightly thick and rather sad.
So when his mother told him, “Go,
Wash you’re clothes and don’t forgo,
The elbow grease for when you scrub.
Go now and do it in the tub.”
But Stanley didn’t want to scour,
Stood instead beneath the shower.
Then hung his body out to dry,
Beneath a blue and sunny sky.
When dried at last, was in a funk,
Poor Stanley found that he had shrunk.