CHAPTER ONE
"I won't accept that, Joe". Abbey looked up at me. A stubborn look on his face.
"You can't refuse it, Boss...." I challenged with about the same stubborn look on my face.
"Well... that's just it, Joe. I'm the Boss... I can do anything that I like... within reason. And one of those things that I can do, within reason, is to reject your application for the cancellation of your employment with the NSW Police Force. You'll find that in the Manual... I can, within reason, and for reasons that I think are relevant and of import to that decision, and of benefit to the organised running of the Force, reject your notice of severance of employment forthwith. You're too good a Dee to throw it all away. You've got what... another twenty, twenty-five years of good service that you can offer the Force. You only buried Penny a couple of days ago, let it rest for a while. I'll approve as much time off with or without pay, what-ever you prefer, but I will not, under any circumstances, accept your resignation...does Marge know of your decision?"
I shook my head lamely.
"I didn't think so. She would have drawn and quartered you if she had of known. Go home and think about it, okay? It's quiet in here actually. For once. The Gods must be smiling. Enjoying a scrumptious meal or something... give yourself a chance, Joe. Give yourself a chance to get over it. Okay? You've been through emotional hell over the past few months…go home and think about Joe. That's all I ask…"
He made a show of tearing my Resignation Application in two and stuffing them through his Office shredder.
I slumped out of his office and walked quickly to my desk. Crumpled into my chair. Looked at nothing though a spot on the farthest wall of the office opposite my desk seemed to intrigue me. I suddenly rose and walked from the Office taking the Lift to the sixteenth-floor Cafeteria.
I sat outside in the sunshine, half asleep with my eyes closed.
I didn't hear her walk up or sit down opposite me, until the feeling of a shadow blocking out the sun alerted me.
"You want to go down to the Coffee Spot. Their coffee is a darn sight better".
I nodded my acquiescence to her suggestion.
''Joe? I won't rub it in but you should have come seen me when it was obvious Penny was never going to return to the living''.
''I believed she would pull through…''
''There's the reason why you should have come to see me then…''
I should have gone to see her straight after Penny's funeral. Or even sometime during Penny's slow decline into merciful peace. I should have…but time slipped away. More important matters seemed to get in the road…
I had seen her on quite a few occasions throughout my career when I felt close to the edge.
That abyss frightened me more than anything else. I felt it beckoning me! That I could stand with my toes curling at the edge of the abyss...it scared the shit out of me that the tunnel at times was just a bit too long, with only a dot of light to aim at and even that was waning.
"We'll grab a large latte and take it up to my rooms. Sit and talk about the weather. The surf. Or the cricket...how you hate your job with you thinking there is no future in it…or how you are feeling right now..."
On the way down in the Lift, I turned to her.
Did Abbey ring you?"
"Yes. A couple of months ago, in fact. He was worried about you..."
"I am obviously a high priority, then". I quipped.
"That's something I doubt that you'll ever lose, Joe. That self-deprecating sense of humour. It's good to see that you can still retrieve it at times like this. Yes...yes, you are. I've been tracking you don't worry about that. Have you put in your resignation yet?"
"Yeah...this morning. He ripped it up. Put it through his shredder".
"Good for him...I'd hate to lose my most complex patient". She smiled a warm smile. I spent three hours in her Rooms. Slouching in an oversized chair.
Standing against the wall running my fingers through my hair. Walking in circles. Laying on her couch.
Most of the time with tears in my eyes. Not wailing but sobbing softly. Towards the end, I felt perished. She didn't end the session. I did. My chest hurting, my throat complaining. I'd had enough of the self-analysis. The talking. I got the impression that she had the entire day free for my benefit.
I promised a re-visit later that week as I walked from her Suite with its glorious view over the river and the park. Self-conscious of the fact that my face would surely display my crying for hours, so it seemed.
For everyone to notice.
Not a good look for this macho man!
CHAPTER TWO
"You should have told me, Joe...." There was disappointment in her voice. Not the normal jibing, cajoling, or stirring tone. She glanced over at me with sadness written across her face. "We've been a good team now, for what? A couple of years now?"
She was driving me home as she had done for years now.
An arrangement that we had agreed upon from the first day of our partnership. It was easier for her to drop me off and pick me up as she had to go close to my place on her way into work in any case…and she had more room to garage the vehicle than me. Her driving too, was cool. If the truth be known, she was a better pursuit driver than I'd ever be. Her reflexes surprisingly, were quite unbelievable and she had that sixth sense about that split second before danger came a-calling. Like Penny with her sixth sense about the molecules disturbed by an evil presence...or her deceased brother's calming presence in a room, Mar had that six sense about a disaster looming…there was nothing in sight for the moment…
I didn't know whether I believed in it or not, but I wasn't about to scoff about it.
"Why don't you...you know that mate of yours who has that Fishing Tour business? In Fiji, wasn’t it?"
"Samoa...no”. I shook my head. “He…huh… he got nabbed for hauling drugs into New Zealand, then onto Australia from South America. He was into drug selling when I held him up against a wall and belted some sense into him. Ten…fifteen years ago…”. I shook my head again, not understanding how the guy could go off the rails again. He had the World at his feet. “I told him he was headed for a shortened lifespan...I thought that he saw the error of his ways and completely disappeared. Then I got that Postcard from him. Remember that? I spent what? Ten days over there. All expenses paid for by him as a way of thanks...and the silly bugger falls back into the old ways. I guess all they could see is the supposed easy money to be had...not thinking about the consequences at all if they got nabbed...there's no easy path to tread through life, now is there? Though I guess there's some that think there is, I guess".
Even though I was conversing with my partner of many years, there was a disconnect. A numbness that I felt in my head, as though I was listening to some-one else say the words that came out of my mouth.
"That mate in Darwin? Go up and see him for a break. You haven't spoken about him for a while..."
"Nah... I haven't. I've lost contact...so many people throughout my life… they just seem to drift into the nether world...people whose presence I once enjoyed...what happens?"
Mar shook her head. She could tell the danger signs in my manner. My speech. The monotone.
''I'll tell you what happens…'' I asserted angrily. ''This fucking job. It makes a pariah out of you…it separates you from the rest of society".
Mar ignored my outburst.
"Barry Holtz and his wife Cynthia...they came up to the funeral for you...and their three girls. Go and stay with them for a while. Go fishing. Smoke those ghastly cigars as you did when the Wake saw midnight come and go. Drink some scotch.... you are close to them. They were good for you. You were your old self at the Wake while they were around...and Cynthia still has the hots for you..."
"I was drunk, Mar. And there's the problem, though I wouldn't do anything now...but the temptation would be there while Bazza was working...nah... I think the best medicine is work.... I think... did you see that? Bloody hell! That guy is going to kill himself or some-one else. Pull him over Mar. Give him a flash of your lights. A whoop on the siren. I'll turn the dashboard camera on just in case".
She accelerated, overtaking several vehicles to get up behind the idiot.
Flashed the lights. Whooped the siren a couple of times. Indicated for him to pull over.
The driver eventually obeyed, veering into the parking lane behind several cars already parked. The busy roadway allowed residents parking after eighteen hundred hours.
I channelled in the Number Plates of the vehicle. Our car did not have the incredible camera ID system fitted. Within seconds, the computer replied. The Number Plates did not match the car that they were on. A red flag. Mar radioed in that we had pulled over a vehicle for driving erratically and dangerously. With the incorrect number plates displayed. The vehicle probably stolen. The make and model of the vehicle and our location relayed to Comcentral.
I swivelled out of the passenger seat and got out of the Unmarked.
I was abreast of the back of the vehicle when he suddenly reversed, tyres squealing, slamming into the front of our Unmarked.
He then threw the car into drive and with screeching tyres, he accelerated away, cutting into the stream of traffic amid panicked stops, horn arias, and shouted insults.
I rushed back to the car as Mar was issuing a full 'All Car Alert'. The direction it was travelling, the plate number and the make and model of the vehicle.
I hadn't even buckled my seat belt as Mar floored the Unmarked. It sprung into life with a slight metallic sound. We didn't know what it was, but it was foreign to the normal sound and behaviour of our car.
"That's the fan blades hitting the radiator, Mar. What's the engine temperature?"
"Okay as far as I can tell".
I leaned over to squiz at the dashboard. It seemed OK but it wasn't long before we could smell a burning smell. We pulled over. The engine bay gave off a cloud of smoke. Its sigh of relief!
"I think we've cooked the motor, Mar". I reported deadpan.
I called it in.
While we waited for the Police Flat-top truck, we followed the chase over the Police radio.
It didn't last long. The guy lost control and wrapped himself around a tree killing himself instantly.
The vehicle a funeral pyre.
Thankfully, no-one else was involved.
